where parrots turn into giraffes

answers to life

2011-03-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

Sarah dear. Only one thing is needed... choose You and life will be so much less complicated.

Ah. so that's the answer.

it's closing soon

2011-03-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

indigested. From being greedy. Ouch.

I don't learn do I. :(

There's a pile of things to be done and all I feel like doing is hiding myself underneath the covers of my bed. heh, the only thing i checked off my list is shower.

I feel bad for not picking up. But then again I don't feel like calling back. That's why I'm monster. BUT, i did. I can't stand knowing that there might be a possibility that you might remotely feel that 1% of guilt for 'flying my airplane' You know, let's just meet next season. Don't know why I'm that lazy when it comes to meeting this category of friends (did I mention they happen to be guys)- people whom you have to work around their time all the time, and whenever you call them it feels like you're taking away their time. Sounds familiar? it sounds exactly like me. One day, I might decide to 'fall out' with me. :D

I'm just thinking, looking at some of the people I deal with everyday, maybe just maybe it seems like a good idea to stop watching so many dramas and be contented with my work-sleep routine every week and not add anything new to it.

I really look forward to seeing heens and sister on Monday.

just like this

2011-03-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

God made me bigger sized all for good reason :) you see it helps when you've got a bit more muscle strength when you have to do 150 reps of chest compressions. it's great that me arms don't ache.

yesterday i spent it praying for random things, like getting there on time, being able to pass on the first attempt, being able to go home early, having my group mates pass too. Funny how it seemed like we fit together so nicely. Just for that day. There was 5 of us plus the instructor. Maybe cause we had a common goal. Didn't know much about everyone, but we all knew the acronyms, the sequences.

:) I actually do mind when the same relative tells me that I've grown fatter since he's seen me last year and that I should exercise more (and I've got others that tell me that I've lost weight). Which explains why I have to keep giving thanks for my bear-like size. I try not to mind, I try to rationalize. every year I just find myself trying to think of ways to 'get back at him'. Maybe the best solution is just not to end up having any conversation with him. It's time to just hibernate during CNY. Like a bear.

whyyyyyyyy

2011-02-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

like most of my spoils from Botanical Gardens. Except WHYYYYYY did God create mosquitoes. OF ALL CREATURES. free blood donation.

this is a written reminder to buy HOSE RINGS. I should just really not complain and whine though I really want to. Maybe it's just you. why is it so hard?

exhausted with a tad of joy. full on 2 weeks of just working and meeting people. it's nice seeing sydney friendsies. just so happens that two special someones fly back to and fro sydney around this decjanfeb period. Thank God for good girl friends whom you can shop, talk and eat kfc with.

Thank God for good guy friends as well. Though I always say that my guy friends are seasonal (well, they are mostly), it's nice to meet them in season. too often and then we might get irritated at each other you know.

someone came up and asked something most perplexing this week. How strange. and yet I have no idea how to respond. It came as a shock, cause I actually thought about the same thing the night before.

for a moment there

2011-02-19T08:18:00.001-08:00

for a moment, i thought the pic on the top of the blogskin was gone. apparently i do try to be a little more tech savy and I saved the picture on photobucket. so it's now restored!

i miss having my camera. oh where have you hidden yourself??? surely my room doesn't have that many hiding places.

glowing cookies

2011-01-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

:) on one sleepless night. It'll be nice to sit and nua with a glass of milk and SUBWAY cookie. It's nice to sit with your one and only favourite sister and listen to old school music. and think about Nehemiah.

funny how things seem to fall into place. Like finding the things that I need. Like SBC sending a passage on Nehemiah.

alrights. time to sleep. Even without the cookies.

tidying up 2010

2011-01-01T05:58:00.001-08:00

long due! ahaha.. as usual, i'm late. I try not to be though, unless people meet me after work.

2010 spent half here and half there. Both halves were equally good, with lessons learnt

I remember the long rides to and fro keith, the anticipation of going back to Adelaide on weekends, the quietness and satisfaction of just spending the weekend with Lucy.

I remember getting stranded twice. which is funny and not (at that time it wasn't) and how there are angels in disguise cause my dear God watches over his children.

I remember my birthday and how my friends put in effort to make me happy. :) In hindsight though it might not have seemed like it, I was happy. really.

I remember the two weeks in tassie, and how love is so important.

Then there's a week here and there in Marden on the floor.

coming back it was a frenzy of trying to get a job asap. I can't really remember what happened in sequence between then and now, except with the few days of P coming over, of my grandma having her op, of exercising and dinners and meeting friends from here and there. Even the mcfrenzied days of work comes and goes, it's just there and then that you feel like you need a heap of prayers. oh oh, there was this 6 weeks of purpose and having lessons at SBC:) I like. Maybe cause I got a good grade. HA. but I like anyway cause I got to see heeny and her sister and friend.

If you compare last year and the start of this year, last year was definitely a rest year. Oh well. back to doing crazy things.

15 minutes

2010-11-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

spent my lovely morning breezing to tpy methodist church. IT'S SO NEAR. love it. the distance i mean. and I was glad to have spent it listening about the book of Haggai. 2 more tmr. I do hope I make it in time.

Other than that I slept my day away. Trying to recharge myself for thursday, friday and saturday. I dread Saturday sadly.

Last night spent it chilling with Nal. :) happy.

Monday night was fun with colleagues. :) happy.

Tonight: on the couch watching new episodes of Phineas and Ferb. :) happy.

the tenth thing

2010-11-16T08:25:00.000-08:00

i admit i have a unhealthy obsession with watching howl's moving castle. How else do you explain the numerous copies that I have (for fear of one day, ONE day the other disc might kapoof) and its endearing presence on my desktop (comes with all sorts of subtitles... even greek) and its audio soundtrack on my phone.

maybe one day if i'm stranded on a desert island, i'd like some electricity, vcd player and my howl's moving castle vcd with me. :) instead of the hunk of a bf that everyone else is trying to make me look for.

what's life without routine. everyday you wake up at the same time, catch the same bus and go through the same things over and over again. The same madness hits you, the same messiness lingers around your hair. my howl's moving castle provides some feeder for feel-good-feelings at the end of the day. Much better than doughnuts i think. It doesn't come with calories.

ah, but you'd be glad to know that I have been doing other things other than listening to howl's moving castle once every week. you see, P came. and for a while, I didn't need to listen to HMC audio to rid the bad feeling that lingers from work. for a while, when there was class at SBC, i felt glad to have something else to divert my attention to.

but right now. i shall lie back and snuggle in my bed listening to that 90 min audio that's oh-so-familiar.

one a month

2010-09-09T09:00:00.001-07:00

I'm glad I went for bible study today. Suddenly feel that my mind has been preoccupied with work. Doesn't help that when you meet friends you talk of the same. At least now I'm not actively thinking about so and so's discharge summary, and all the things that i should have done before I tapped my card and flew out the door today.

I've been reading the book of Ecclesiastes- which is heaps practical I say. I wonder if everyday just passes like that it can be quite scary, because before you know it, the year is gone. It's like every morning, I know I can choose to be more productive on the bus instead of spending it in slumber and getting myself kyphosed in the meantime.

So now I wonder if my mind was preoccupied with school before. and now it's just been replaced by work.

Time to sleep. and hopefully I get dreamless sleep.

musings

2010-08-09T07:20:00.001-07:00

national day brings fond memories. somehow, you feel a bit prouder to be Singaporean during the month of August when you see the many flags dotting the HDB block, when they have repeated replays of the year's national day song. I like this year's national day song- I'm thankful for my Singapore.

Although I'd love to sit in the midst of the crowd and feel the atmosphere, but I'm terrified of crowds and the aftermath of going home. Therefore, I sit at grandma's place with relatives and eat curry. I guess it can't get more Singaporean than this.

Thank you Lord for putting me in such a safe and peaceful place. Thank you that there's pandan cake whenever I feel like eating (therefore reducing the danger of me burning off my hand attempting to make one), that TPY has so many shops that I feel like I can be a hermit here. Thank you that I can eat my lu ya fan (duck rice), bimbimbap, prata, sushi and longtong all in the same food court.

Happy 45th Birthday.

Psalm 40

2010-07-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

Many, O Lord my God, are they wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to usward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. (v5)

Lemme count my many many many blessings. Was feeling a bit down at a certain point this week... thinking that if X had happened earlier, it would have been great- then a friend reminded me that I was to give thanks because God has placed things in His own time.

spoil...

2010-07-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

sleepless. It's so awful it's funny. My howl's moving castle is spoilt. :( And it seems like there's a conspiracy to buy off all available copies so much so that it's so hard to find. Anyways. it's a weird week. Got a few of my good friends on the hunt for it. My mum says to buy a few copies. The thing is, there isn't a single copy to be seen in any video shop in tpy, amk and cityhall.

and say hello to sarah's new black thing. so not used to the small buttons. And to be honest, I still like the old one. oops. Let the new one not be hurt.

Let's see. This week, i met juicy-ful! hee. all the way to visit her family's lei cha stall. It's yums. And then she brought me to 'hala' with the hp shop uncle. He insisted on posing as my dad to get me a hp voucher. How obsessed I am with getting a good deal. Nvm, the new black thing is here with me now. I shall cherish it, for I prayed for it and have since given thanks that the Lord has blessed. oh yes. I got a ride home too- all the way from lakeside. o_O the kind soul has a screen in the car that plays hokkien karoke. I think I want to be able to sing a hokkien song properly. For fun.

I met yh too... and JY. all on the same day. I can pat myself on the back- because I'm such a lazy porker that I can stay at home for the whole day without stepping outside even once. It's nice to catch up.

It's great to be able to meet up and catch up with friends every now and then. And better still, though they don't understand why i persist in finding my VCD, they help me in my quest anyway. hohoho.

loving the world

2010-07-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

trying oh-so-hard to avoid. Avoid editing that complex thing cause it's confusing. Avoid fb, msn, tv cause I'm supposed to devote the time to praying. All the things I've tried to avoid, it's come to haunt me. The more I try, the more sometimes my brain tries to convince me that it's no harm just taking one look.

I miss running. Or having that remote motivation to run. I don't even feel like getting out of the house. I miss counting my blessings. And looking at stars.

it's silly really.

on love

2010-07-03T03:30:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

It really does.

transit in progress

2010-07-03T03:08:00.000-07:00

I just had to upload this. Tis cute. I can't believe only one week has passed. It feels like its been a long time. I can't believe it's only last Saturday I rushed about the Marden house making sure everything was in place, and that 9L suddenly appeared in the living room with cheese cake. And that I was nearly in tears saying bye to P. I'm terrible at saying bye. Even on the phone, it ends with awkward silence. Perhaps that's why I have a faulty phone that does the hanging up for me. Do you think it's an art? The people in Adelaide that I love, I would love to see them and be able to fellowship with them again. There's that sense of comfort, maybe because I'm not in-charge, and I can sit back and not answer during bible study. HA. And I like it that there's always someone with the complete set of answers. I like drying dishes every sunday after lunch cause I have no idea what else to do with myself. I like staying over at P's house, cause somehow, my food cravings get satisfied, and my sense of discipline goes up as well.

Truthfully, I might not belong entirely, the search for that sense of belonging somewhere resounds deep inside. Could be cause I'm weird. Hohoho. There's also that side that wants to escape reality, escape filling in forms that I know should be filled in. Transitions are hard- it takes courage to change the things I can change, serenity to accept what cannot be changed and wisdom to know the difference.

melon sauce

2010-06-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

Went outside so that Lucy can have a good run in the paddic- she had a melon feast instead. They have these paddic melons that are absolutely useless, and Lucy seems to lovelovelove them. The big ripe ones that is. So if you throw them in a distance she runs after them and then starts chewing on them. At the end of our little walk, she was dripping with melon juice. Ewww. If you ask me. Hahaha.

Haven’t made hay while it shines, that’s this amount of sunshine left! L Oh dears. And there’s so many more things left on the to-do list. It’s how you like set off to do something like wash the dishes- then you see that the table isn’t clean, so you go to get the cloth to clean it instead, then along the way you think you should be blogging. Hahaha. You get the point. It’s a McRah moment.

My orange chiffon cake turned out okay. I guess if you stick to the recipe and the correct tin, it would have turned out fab. Anyways.

Lucy tales

2010-06-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

Busy week. I've been looking forward to friday the whole week! and now it's Saturday. Should make use of the sun while it shines! And that is the dog that made me skip a beat. So so so, uh.. handsome! His name is Peter. ooh. seriously.

Thankfully Lucy doesn't really get jealous. She has devoted attention from Bill, and when he's not around, she looks for me. Yesterday night she was really testing boundaries by sleeping on my bed when i was showering. That dog! raised my voice at her- and she walked to her own basket in shame.

Made up for it today when i was outside swinging and doing my QT, she plopped right next to me and just sat there. She's been outside chasing foxes.

Alrights i should get on with it. the other things on the list.

the month of may

2010-05-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

The email you sent me left me scrambling to my knees. I hope you're okay, and i'm so grateful that the Lord is our shepherd- I know he'll see you through this time of discouragement. I wish you'd tell me earlier. And i just wanted to let you know (though you'll probably not see this) that you're dearly loved and missed.

2010-05-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe when you reach 23, you start thinking if you’ll ever fall in love. But the cynical side of me always shoots that idea down, because if you can fall in love, you can just as easily fall out of it. The thought only came up after reading someone’s blog and after listening to Taylor Swift. I cringe whenever I feel myself wishing maybe there’ll be that someone special soon. BUT, have been thinking that it’s just awfully self-centered of me. I would like to be able to show love to the people around me in tangible ways. I would like to shower more words of encouragement and do stuff without expecting anything in return. It’s a high call, it’s going to be tough, but I’d still like to start doing that more anyway. Without expecting anything in return will be the hardest part of the bargain. HA. Do it anyway.

One cycle around the sun- one year of seeing blessings, those everyday miracles, one year of roughing it out, of those times where what I really wanted to do was merge with the couch or now, my bed. It is 10:34 and I feel sleepy despite taking a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. My room is still in a mess, I still have an oxy-moronic obsession with kitchen cleanliness.

Last year, at this time, I was in the midst of car honking, missionaries…on the eve of turning 22 I spent it lapping someone’s hospitality-opening his doors to us to stay over for the night. I slept next to egg-shells which was wonderful, cause someone offered the best food he could give. I remember people having a small party for me, complete with balloons, smarties, chips and mosquitoes on the balcony bathing under the stars.

Will I remember my 23^rd birthday? To be honest, I don’t like having big parties. I don’t like being fussed about or being the centre of attention. I only do it cause it makes other people happy. I would be happy having dinner or something with close friends. And that would be more than enough.

Anyway, Lucy really sheds a lot of fur. Just like how I shed a lot of hair. We’re also greedy creatures. Bad for me- it doesn’t take too much to be able to dig out that tub of ice cream from the fridge. She on the other hand has to kill her own rabbit or bird if she wants to eat extras. Otherwise, she waits for Bill to say ‘okay’. We share the space in front of the fire place; it’s half a space each. When I run, she makes sure she’s in front of me, but still stops to make sure I’m not too far away. That competitive streak is in the both of us. HA. Ngmh ngmh ngmh.

This was written a few days before 21st of may.

My birthday went fine, though it wasn't what i would have wanted. I liked the company though, and i liked people being there and having fun. the yeos went to a whole lot of trouble to get the space organised, and get food ready and stuff like. :) thank you to everyone who thought of me, who wished me.

I like the picture up there. jie looks so happy and content even though this part was a side track to looking for the rose garden.

4 wheel drive

2010-04-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

Thought I should update my lovely blog. Well, other than being a bit out of ideas this time while trying to come up with a flyer/invitation card/brochure. Quite amazed that I got myself out of bed at 7.35am- That is inspite of the knowledge that 1) there’s no fixed schedule for the day and 2) I really like lazing in bed! It’s heaps bad for self discipline though. Which is probably why staying on a farm is good for me. I feel like a lazy bum if I’m not up and about by 7.30. And sleeping till 8am is like sleeping till 12. There’s that stress to get up and make the most of daylight. My project partner, V and her husband, B are up usually by 5ish? Someone should fly my sister here for some lessons on waking up early!

Yes, I was up and Lucy was there wagging her tail at me. I’ve sent lucy outside, where she should be running about like any other jack Russell instead of trailing me around the house and plopping herself on the floor waiting for me to play with her. I can’t find her squeaky steak. Haha.

These two weeks, it’s been a bit frustrating for people who’ve been trying to call me. The best time to get me would be probably when I’m in town, but then again, I’m likely to be in a meeting with someone or trying to get work done.

Walked into the library yesterday (finally!) and got myself connected. You know, I couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear when dex popped up and said ‘rah’ and when igoogle appeared on my laptop. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate the internet connection that V has been sharing with me. It just feels good to have some on my own laptop. Don’t think anyone can understand that. Tried telling JL, and he just …
One fine day, maybe I should go there and skype. However library opening hours are limited to working hours. And the nearest library is 2 h walk away (I’m just guessing, after all its 20 min drive at 110kmh)

Went to watch footy last Saturday- quite fun watching, except that it was a almost whole day event. Joined in the car honking when our home team scored a goal. Sometimes I find it abit awkward to be around when V is talking to her friends. I have nothing interesting to say, or know nothing that I can say to her friends. Got to call mum and P. That was good!

Lucy is outside waiting to be let in. HAHA. I’m not animal abusing. She’s gained a couple of pounds- that dog. Not like I haven’t, from all the sitting and travelling in car. I want to walk to places, but that’s really beyond me, cause of my sense of direction and the lack of recognition of landmarks such as trees.

Consciously, I have to make effort to sms and call people, or else I’ll just live in my own world. With Lucy of course. Alrights. I should do something bout that dog.

Just wondering if this is my time of wilderness. Moses spent 40 years in the middle of nowhere. But its good.

and that photo is for mum and sis!

too much chocolate for once

2010-03-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

Just came home from bible study steamboat. And had chocolate fondue too. :) The atmosphere was quite awkward at times, but HA. I loved it, cause it made me feel like laughing. E was tickled by the end of the entire thing, combi of too much steamboat, fondue and saboteurs.

Glad the week is over, cause it meant that I could rest a bit from doing assignments today. Vacuumed the floor and did other readings instead.

As usual, had cramps yesterday. Which was inconvenient, because I had to do marketing. Invited a friend over for dinner. The grocery list came in handy when I was getting a bit delirious from the pain. I think by the time I got to the coriander stop, I could feel the pale face and cold sweat. And then cause I decided to buy cauliflower ($2!! how could i resist) I missed the bus. Uhms. Before shopping and on my way there, I had a good mind to call all the Js in my life- JR, JX and JL. But I thought I should just rough it out and have faith that God would get me home. He did. You know, He did. Just as I felt like I couldnt stand any longer at the bus stop (which couldn't be more than 3 minutes), the bus came. With the loveliest bus driver. I leaned on my 5kg worth of groceries and fell asleep on this nicely airconditioned bus which took me to my stop in 20 min, and the pain was gone, aptly in time for my 10 min walk home. I'd like to say that the bus disappeared from sight just as i started walking off.

I think this week I rollercoastered. Felt heaps tired on tuesday, too tired to wait for mummy to call. Felt like I could have died on monday with the heat and all, my lovely sydney friendsies all popped up one at a time to catch up with me. Like daisies. Wednesday, had a good run with Mel along torrens and stuffed ourselves silly with dumpling king. And thursday, dinner and talking with lyd was funny. And there's today. Learnt that someone doesn't eat vege/fruit at all (except seedless grapes, capsicums and olives!!), and is still quite healthy.

For my sister -> I don't quite think they are sunflowers. They don't look entirely like sunflowers. But it is a big yellow flower just for YOU. :) aww. so sweet.

choices

2010-03-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

When we are angry or offended, let us be careful to note where our real complaint lies. This person who insults me at the office or on the bus, this husband who rides roughshod over my feelings, this insensitive individual who does not understand or appreciate me--is he not one whom God has put in my life for my good? Who, after all, is really in charge?

Let us beware of rebellion against the Lord. Circumstances are of his choosing, because He wants to bless us, to lead us (even through the wilderness) out of Egypt, that is, out of ourselves. Settle the complaint with God, and it will settle other things. Be offended with God, and you will be offended with everyone who crosses your path.

-Elizabeth Elliot, "A Lamp for my feet"

I can choose. I don't like this feeling, but I can choose to remember that warm fuzzy feeling with that cup of macha and a good friend watching 27 dresses with me. I can choose to overlook the before and after, the inconvenience though it leaves me to think what really are they thinking.

I suppose too that I can choose to ignore all the teasing, all the comments and everyone's hopes for a fairytale romance. Or perhaps i can just take the seemingly easier way out and let the friendship die off so that I can safely tell everyone that I'm sorry, we lost contact. But its not fair to him or me- I just wish everyone would stop harping on it.

on brighter notes, I've figured that MSG is not good for me. haha. no wonder I always feel like a waterbucket when i eat out. The msg in that dinner that I ate on Friday, though yummy and yes, i crave for more, left me embarrassed when I had trouble reading the print in my bible and hence finding my references. Such awkward silence. And the eyes widening by DK.

can't wait till the day i work so hard that missing lunch is secondary. Hard work is a choice isn't it?

todays walk with P was nice, and thankfully she sent me to get the bike to a friend's house. I've literally sold off clik clak. :( You're a pretty good bike to ride on. Suspension and all. Plus, I've never had the problem of tires going flat.

2010-02-21T03:35:00.000-08:00

there's popeyes in tpy, and i didn't even visit it! Popeyes courtesy of MQ and Liru:)

I'm sitting in the study room feeling the heat of my laptop.

A tad jet-lagged, and it showed during sermon today. I know I should have taken out my pen and started writing! ahh.

Everyone has been really nice to me (like they always are).. sending me home, making sure that i'm okay. And I'm okay though its just me in the house. Now I know why i wasn't homesick the last time round- had the company of sooo many people. Random bouts of missing different people like Lei, Fish, my sister etc.

Collected some of my stuff from huifen which made me feel a lot better. It's nice having shampoo, soap, my bolster, and doreamon pj's with me! I can't wait to have my blanket too!

to which my sister sent a funny email. (I think she can consider writing short stories next time)

K: what is your favourite part of the movie? The action, the plot, or the happy ending?
JE: ERR. The action, plot and happy ending?
K: That is everything I just said. Choose one.
JE: ERR. Actually hor, I like the NGS, you know, at the credits.
K: NGS AREN'T PART OF THE MOVIE

well, if you know who the two people are- it's funny. can totally imagine it happening.

Anyway, for interest sakes, I cooked dinner today. I know i'm oh-so-lazy. and might lapse into boiling vege, but its a good start. Thinking of how Jun cooks for himself everyday helps!

you know

2010-01-27T03:02:00.000-08:00

you know. i spent 7.50 to get instant noodles just cause i was craving for it. that's 1.50 for one packet of instant noodles.

and then i actually only got one item after travelling all the way to sks cause i felt that everything else was so expensive

you know, i have this secret fascination with bear and the big blue house

and with this packing game online- I like putting things in place, but my room is oh-so-messy

you know, he was in a good mood today and did his feeding and shaving on his own.

and i was day dreaming of eating ice cream and she happened to be clearing her fridge

you know, its so hard to play badminton when there's wind

and its even harder to play in places where there are bushes. ooh those spider webs are lurking

well, its time to stop wasting electricity, when you know, and I know that i'm not going to get any more work done.

2010-01-24T09:24:00.000-08:00

How was your week? A truly singaporean response would be something along the lines of 'okay lor" or maybe "tiring". Pastor Chua was right this morning, our culture requires us to be busy. It's not okay to be not busy. Sometimes its best if you're really very busy. And even if you're not, you have to find something to fill your time.

How was my week? genuinely, i think i hardly accomplished much. I lament and complain over work, i tried to conform to the couch as much as possible until i felt that my butt could no longer take it. i spent more time eating than exercising. cleaned portions of the house.

What am I here for? Have yet to sort that out within myself. Even when I felt life ebbing away and that maybe, perhaps my organs were in danger of failing that question didn't come to mind.

Highlights of the week include meeting with my Godma and telling her about me, meeting with eve over hotpot, donating blood with sam, jogging and emo-ing at the same time, chatting through cell, kite flying and untangling knots.

jaded.

You know. I could do more. I should be cleaning all the windows, fans floors. I should vacuum under my bed. I should finish the dratted review and other stuff along with it. I should run everyday. I could spend time playing my flute. I could prepare stuff for cell, spend time meditating on bible passages, praying. I could make stuff for other people and throw myself into an art frenzy. I could and should, but i don't.

i can throw myself into multiple frenzies, but it won't satisfy and last till I find out what I'm here for.

How was your week?

roses

2010-01-14T05:16:00.000-08:00

i wanted to go straight to sleep after being sent home after bible study, but i ended up switching on the comp. ZQ was online and had a lovely chat with him. about finding girlfriends, manliness and gaining weight.

a bit worn out. I've got aches that i know not how i got them.

Going across the causeway today was fun and quick. Not as harrowing since i've got a pretty seasoned tourguide! Trust becca to know where everything is. And meeting xl after such a long time is heaps lovely. i wish we had more time together though.

slobbering around

2010-01-11T23:57:00.000-08:00

i haven't done anything productive today. Besides window cleaning and feeding the hamster. The little critter was peering out of the cage looking like she hasn't eaten in days.

maybe i'll merge into the couch someday.

the road home

2009-12-31T20:35:00.001-08:00

I spent 20 minutes writing my reflections furiously on the train and ended up not using it. But it was good, as I thought of the many things to be thankful for.

In 2009, I was thankful for

- attachment. As tear jerking as it might have been, it was a test of perseverance, which in turn breeds a lot of other things as described in Romans and James 1.

- FYP mates- all the late nights, the panda eyes, the fears and anxieties... I'm glad we love each other so very much

- driving instructor who sometimes not-so-patiently taught me how to drive, but i enjoyed all the random chats we had on the car

- three weeks of sitting in my childhood house and plenty of feasting. Thankful for time spent with gram, for also learning how precious it is to be thankful as a family

- a birthday spent facing the Himalayas- then you wonder how much bigger my God can be. Also, sandals came just in time too.

- outings with my girls.. pirate ships and uno stacko is heaps fun too

- youth camp and how God softened a hardened heart.

- youth and church in Adelaide. seeing the milky way in youth camp, being able to fit in, for P and Sarah and many others who prayed, fetched me around, For all the numerous bible studies that we had, the yfs

- kitchen mates to cook with, eat with, like family.

- all the times i ran with Lei and how my stamina has improved by leaps and bounds

- learning finally that I can trust God to provide no matter where I am, luggage in tow, somethings can taken away for a reason, there is provision of other greater blessings.

-for my 2 lovely korean friends, the only and best thing that happened in Sydney besides sashimi

- being able to knit becca a scarf, on all those trips to Keith, in Auckland and Christchurch

There are too many to count, too many to mention

In 2010, I resolve to

- wake up earlier- or not to lie in bed.

- give thanks in all circumstances, even for friends that treat me like rubbish

- pray more

- find time to attend concerts

- run one 10km marathon with becca

- be punctual when meeting friends and foes

- cultivate gentleness (the meaness has to come to and end somehow)

Thank you for loving the imperfect me, full of flaws... for all the times that I was too proud, that I felt like being sacarstic and eventually spewed fire, and for stuffing myself silly at times, Lord, I'm sorry.

2010- a long year ahead, a step closer to home. If it is my last, teach me to finish this race well and to fight a good fight. Otherwise, give me a sense of perseverance and doggedness to do small things greatly.

Christmas Blessings

2009-12-24T23:06:00.000-08:00

Blessed, blessed to have family that misses me, goes around the island buying food for my very first meal back home.

Blessed to have friends who make effort to come to the airport and cart my very heavy and obtrusive luggage all the way home on train- and thankful that Becca is always so well prepared. Extra ez-link cards, extra bags. And Ah Dex with all his new gadgets.

Blessed to have friends who take time to send you off at the airport too. Sarah with her car, missing a left side mirror who gallantly rescued me from being stuck in the laundry area and ZQ who came all the way to the airport for the 5th time in 2 weeks and helped me with my extra heavy luggage.

Blessed to have P as a housemate for the past week or so, baking/cooking together, eating brekky together. Wondering what to do with one too many sweet mangoes, capsicums. Doesn't help that she makes icing- the yummiest thing ever.

Blessed to be home at long last, and to be able to go to church and see everyone again.

Blessed to be able to go caroling, to be able to give tracts out and sow some seeds.

Blessed to be able to eat my charsiew fan and ba chor mee so freely again!

Away in a manger

2009-12-18T20:44:00.001-08:00

I deleted my blog for two days and decided that perhaps, maybe it should come back. Well, if it does then good, if not then oh wells.

I haven’t been thankful for a long time. I see the importance of going to church regularly cause I haven’t gone for two weeks. For the past two weeks I’ve been fretting a lot, wondering if I get to go home a wee bit earlier. I’ve prayed and told God, Why not? It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request to me. But the Lord, in all his full goodness has decided that staying in Adelaide and its fresh air would do me good.

Yesterday, I felt immensely thankful. Thankful for the chance to go caroling- it was just the few of us. And I did wonder why they decided to go with it. In all normal fashion, if I had to decide, I’d probably say, ‘there are so few of us, let’s cancel’. M prepared what we were going to sing and say, we rehearsed a little just before going. The first house that we came to, it was an audience of one. He encouraged us and asked about our church. And so we went from one house to the next. We’d all wait in anticipation while M went to sound the house owners out. Met a lovely greek lady and her husband the next, a family who’d just gotten a dog to care for, a big extended family gathered in a living room (yes! We got invited in) and couple of others. We ended off the night at Aunty L’s- she happened to be on the phone so we caroled for her neighbor. Then Aunty L brought us to the nursing home to sing to her mum. All of us gathered in a tiny room. We sang Silent night, Away in a manger and O Holy night. At the end of each song, Aunty M would thank us and say that it was beautiful. I do really think we sounded beautiful- not choir beautiful, it was more like heartfelt beautiful.

It was over supper that M shared the ‘secret’ behind it- "I just committed it to God- this year’s caroling’

Daneabaad Lord.

counting my blessings

2009-12-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

As i think, when you feel like everything is going to fall into pieces, I should count my blessings instead.

1. Catching a 2.30am bus to auckland airport was terrible, but at least it meant that I had a chance to use the internet at the airport

2. Getting your flight cancelled and being stuck at sydney airport is not funny at all. Sydney airport is the worse place to be stuck at. But we got upgraded from Jetstar to Quantas. And hence had a lovely meal on the plane complete with a drink. Which made me tear, knowing how God must have planned all this.

3. Feeling oh so very unwelcomed by hostel managers is terrible, but if they didn't, i wouldn't have moved to nals- now i have the whole place to myself and i don't have to worry about someone throwing me out and my laundry is done too! seeing a pair of slippers at the backdoor made me tear too- i prayed for a pair. it's not mine for keeps, but it's good enough.

4. looking at the prospect of eating instant noodles for my last week doesn't sound too good, but it's a good way to lose weight hopefully from all the ice cream in NZ (that was only twice! but destructive enough)

5. waltzing into a really messy backpackers hostel in sydney was a culture shock, but i met the two most loveliest friends ever. Both of whom miss me and aren't afraid to let me know.

6. not knowing for sure your flight date isn't appetising, but well, it is exciting.

in Christchurch

2009-12-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

well, since i paid 3 dollars for one hour of internet, no reason why i shouldn't make full use of it. hahah.

I've been moaning about the lack of slippers. my slippers gave way on the last few weeks in adelaide. sighs. and miserly me refuses to get another pair of slippers. 5 dollars from CottonOn Australia doesn't sound good cause it's the same price as Sg, and the exchange rate is not the same. And then i realised that I've never actually prayed about another pair of slippers.

Met two very lovely koreans in sydney- Jack and Lella. They were in the same room as me... Though the place wasn't ideal- i think having the both of them in my room generated so much fun and laughter. Its heaps cool how you can meet people like that. I'm sooo going to korea in two years time. :):) Lella taught me korean, to which i've forgotten most of it by now. Jack taught me how to be generous. From the few days that I know him, somehow, you know that he has a really big heart. :)

May the roof never fall in, and those under it never fall out.

the horrors of July

2009-11-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

the horrors of it. You start muttering to yourself "i shouldn't have hoarded" "i'm such a hoarder" "why do i need so many plastic bags for" and then you close your eyes and say "throw!"

I'm so tired of moving/packing. I think i've upped and moved so many times this year. Knowing that next year will be the same makes me sigh. I wonder if my pencil case weighs 500g. Everything that can go into it goes into it. Didn't know that 小马来's indo-mee addiction has come in handy, because it means that i have boxes! lol. 3 boxes of indo-mee consumed over a period of 4 months is no mean feat.

my precious girl came home today! :) oranges happen to be the favourite fruit. everyone likes oranges. it's great to know that each of us has the potential to consume 3kg worth of oranges in two weeks. Many happy memories revolve around oranges. Purdee teaching me how to peel oranges, 小马来 telling us that he can only cut oranges into quarters, Fish and me sharing 3 kg of huge oranges, Lei peeling oranges for me, Joel peeling oranges for me (picture above), me and fiona cutting oranges and consuming them with ice cream... hahah. the consumption of oranges release endorphins.

she's going to leave in two days. I'm going to leave tmr... all of us can feel it. There's a change in atmosphere. the two of them have become a little strange recently. Asking for walks at 11.30pm, making sure that we walk really far, increase in teasing, sitting together with ZQ to consume ice cream. I'll be back, i'll visit, but it won't be the same. Even Purdee has been a little quiet lately. What would you do when everyone around you leaves? What will you do when you're the one being left behind? Is it easier to leave, to be the one packing and moving off, or is it easier to be the one that stays behind?

i love the rain, but please don't let it rain tmr night. Its the last time we might be running together.

my distractability

2009-11-26T05:44:00.000-08:00

seriously distracted. sighs.

And i got myself started on it. wow. It just had to do with opening the word document and start typing out what I planned to write. sighs. Is it that hard?

When i was moving along cross road, i was thinking of you. There was that deep thought in me that made me run all the more faster, to push myself harder. Thinking about how i ought have to been more careful, how i ought have to been less generous. it appears that i may have gone the extra mile for you, but i guess i would have done it for any of them as well. just that you seemed like you needed me more. then when i realised that you were taking me for granted, the scars hidden so deep opened. unappreciated. that's what haunts majority of earthlings. We like to feel appreciated. The rest whom i did dishes for complemented me. My precious girl dropped me sweet notes. You? you asked and demanded for one more favour after another. How can we be so selfish. And how can we hurt each other so much. why ever can't i learn how to give without taking back.

it seems almost normal now, after days of stormy weather and after you trying to placate me with a bar of chocolate. like i'm a little kid who needs to be placated with a lolly. But, you're forgiven nonetheless, cause as much as you need me, i do think I need you too. But there's that small hint of a crack that seems like we both need to tread so very carefully, careful not to break the fragility of it all.

flummoxed

2009-11-23T01:16:00.001-08:00

Praying for discipline is never easy, the lessons are hard.

Got to meet Veron's parents today! They are such lovely people. Went shopping with them, and got to talk to them. And i had lovely lunch. Eggs benedict. However, I think either yesterday's dinner or today's lunch caused food poisoning. :X It's good. Since I have so little rice left eating porridge everyday might make the rice last for a week.

Can't wait for this season to be over. So that i'll stop torturing myself.

some very random emotions

2009-11-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

我因为要离开而感到伤心，对于半年的朋友也感到依依不舍。想到就快要回家就感到兴奋，同时也害怕那里的变化。想到明年心情焦急犹豫，不知如何是好... 我只知道祂永远不变，相信祂给我的诺言。

un-chlorine-fied

2009-11-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

I really like this photo. The truck is so brightly coloured, sitting there oblivious to the changing world. Which is pretty much like how my version of South Australia goes. Everything just moves as it is, the world outside which I used to get from the telly or straits times doesn't quite matter much any more.

Anyway, I took this photo while intruding into the community garden. Just popped open the gate, made my presence known and walked around a bit.

Had a really good msn conversation with a friend just. It was good, cause I aired all unhappiness. Not quite sure if he got all of it, but well not that I tend to generalise, but guys are wired differently. it has to do with stratified, non-keratising, squamous cells.

And, I'm so glad I went to Rachel's place. Heaps good just soaking the in the water and conversations. And i finally get to wear the bather I brought! Swimming is so expensive here.

Thank you to my two hostel friends who sent me there, and to Fish esp for picking me up on my way back! :) Had to walk a long way home in the dim streets at 11.30, which in all sensibility, I decided to call someone. Girls just simply do not let you down somehow. But ZQ and brian came along, which i thought was absolutely endearing. Now that the chlorine is all gone, and i've done a bit of work, I'm glad to be finally going to bed!

Drinking is a graded activity

2009-11-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

I think this pubcrawl shirt is heaps cool!

I'm turning yellow. From eating too many carrots and tomatoes. I feel mortified and slightly flummoxed.

Other than yellow, i turned abit red today as i rode home on clikclak. The sun was blazing. trying to cycle really fast so as not to turn into roasted pig. And my poor celery sticking out from the corner of my backpack.

I watched the Passion of the Christ yesterday which I felt was really disturbing. Tho I'm glad I finally watched it, but I don't think I could ever bear to watch it again.

What else did I do over the week?

Baked brownies (can't believe they succeeded in Joel's small toaster oven)

incurred the wrath of nal and jie ru

sewed purdee's present

did lots of assignments

got to know my project partner for EO who takes nice shots in his SLR..

went for runs with lei

hugged fish..

op-shopped with nal and jie ru

ate marden fish and chips with the three

sat on the bus with ZQ and watched him drown a can of Monster (500mls of redbull!!!)

read a entire book sitting on Veron's couch (that's really fast)

went for a walk with Joel

ate nal's nicely baked orange muffins

I wonder if we remember all these details as time and tide moves. Or does it get lost in the recesses on our memory. so many precious memories.

daneabad

2009-10-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

Felt absolutely horrified last night when I knew how close I could have come from not meeting her.

Thank you Lord for keeping her safe those nights she was walking home.

Thank you Lord for keeping us safe last night too. It was folly, to go running on Friday night.

I can't bear the thought of ever not meeting her. Daneabad Lord. :)

they stared

2009-10-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

I like this photo somehow. :)

Was reading kitesong's blog, and of course, felt a flood of emotions.

Farmstay over the weekend was goodt! Glad that Nal came with me and Veron. Got to talk to nal... irritate her a bit, play with Lucy, went to see the cows too. And as usual, they stared. We did a whole lot of baking with Kristen and Kate's bake sale. Chermain's recipe turned out quite fantastic.. glad its soo foolproof.

Bakesale was quite touching- to see a whole lot of classmates actively supporting them, by either contributing something that they baked/ buying something from them/ both. Was tempted to buy my own brownies, but someone else had better looking ones- which is still sitting on my table. Great self-control exercised there!

Went to play frisbee last night. Did bring back a lot of nightmares actually. I did wonder how sometimes its the people outside that seem to be kinder, more encouraging... They taught me how to throw, patiently caught all my wide angled throws, told me that i was good enough to just join in and play.

So as i was trudging my large sack of stuff home, waiting for the bus, i prayed, sang and waited.

"Hey sarah! U stil in bordertown? when r u coming back? -F" I wonder how come these people who've barely known me miss me. And when i got back to hostel, and knocked on her door, i was greeted with worries and misses. XQH also gave me a hug and said "你瘦了!" (which is absolutely sweetly nonsensical, cause i ate lots of baked stuff). And even ZQ came to join in the crowd. Actually, I met Jun on the bus- another of God's blessings, cause it meant yummy food for dinner!

And the brownies. Of course its for these people that are so dear to me. They are friends. People who sometimes irritate you to nuts (like on Saturdays when its grocery day), tease you, help you watch over your cooking, and worry for you when you're home late.

Psalm 1

2009-10-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly

Nor standeth in the way of sinners

nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful

But his delight is in the law of the Lord

And in His law he meditate day and night

And he shall be like a tree

Planted by the rivers of water

this is the first Psalm of the book of Psalms.

The Hebrew word for 'blessing' comes from a word which means 'to go straight, go forward, advance, set right"

Only those who fulfill the condition are blessed. The real foundation of God's blessedness is dwelling in God's word.

There are three degrees of habit or conduct; walk/stand/sit

There are three degrees of openness, fellowship or involvement in evil: Counsel/ way/seat

There are three degrees of evil that result: ungodly/sinners/ scoffers

There are so many lessons from these few verses alone. I need such fervor, and such passion for studying the bible.

trying to stay awake at 3am

2009-10-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

my celery wilted in my fridge!!! it was on sale anyway. And it's all digested. I think I'm the only one in the kitchen that actively purchases and eats celery. And therefore make everyone else eat it too. Goodt right. Everyone will have a healthy bp:)

Went to the botanical gardens on Friday. It really seems like I've gone through a long weekend. Hahaha. Seriously. Clikclak is getting better. As in really getting better. And i got a new helmet. (still, please do not let my mum know). went shopping with nal on Thursday which was heaps fun. hahaha. Heaps. She was trying on dresses. And then we had a gigantic cup of milkshake. Awfully sinful. Awful. Botanic gardens is green. which is good. I like looking at green stuff. And just when i was wondering where the flowers were, i realised that i nearly missed out the rose garden! And when i finally found it, i went on a flower photo-taking spree. hahah. Some of the roses smelt really good!

friday night was share and prayer week. I miss girls cell sharing. :(

yesterday was a birthday dinner. :) And i cooked tomyam soup! Am proud of myself that I didn't add too many chillies in. hahaha.

I shall stop giving weird looks at my friend.

Thank you Lord for the rain

2009-10-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

Thank You. Lord, for the rain that You sent
To water the earth.
Thank You, Lord, for the sunshine
That You gave to us to have life.

Chorus
But most of all, I'd like to thank You, Lord,
For the people here today;
They have been a blessing to my life,
They have given me gladness in times of sadness,
Thank You, Lord.

Thank You, Lord, for the stars that shine
In the night,
Thank You, Lord, for the sky that You spread
To place all the stars up above.

The sky is such an azure blue today, with puffy clouds. And sometimes the simplest songs are the nicest.

fb groups that are so true

2009-10-09T06:19:00.000-07:00

i regularly open my fridge and stand gazing inside for no reason at all.

climbing stairs

2009-10-08T07:01:00.001-07:00

It's been so hard trying to settle back into routine after going round and about. With the daylight saving, it's even harder, cause by 7pm it's still bright, which is unusual. And waking up earlier is hard too, for me at least- because I am a person of little self-discipline. It shows greatly in times like these.

Climbing the stairs get to me this week. First it was muscle soreness. From all the sprinting done on the way to the airport when coming back from Melb, carrying all that yue bing, spoils for our kitchen steamboat mates on Sunday. There was this strange assurance from God, that yes it would be okay, yes we would make it to the flight and back home. 3 min to the check-in counter closing. Sitting on the plane with darling fish was fun too as i grilled her about her embarrassing moments and other memories. When I got back, she was there waiting to pick us up. Only later did I realise that they had been praying for a safe flight home for me.

Then I went running with my running buddy. and two guys. I never liked the feeling of people running behind me- and definitely not guys. Such pure torture to have to keep going at constant velocity.

And then I cycled to school. (oh please don't tell my mum though I think someone eventually will). Prayed hard for a safe journey, and yes, God got his hapless daughter safely, though sore, to school and back.

Now, that the muscle soreness is almost all gone, I had to had to fall down and have abrasions on my knee and fingers. so climbing stairs is hard

I wondered as I was deliberating to wash my wounds, if God had control over me falling down. To which I told myself not to be silly. He does/did. It is for the better I would think- for reasons not known to me now. But showering and climbing stairs will still be a pain.

pile

2009-09-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

taken from veron's field! Veron has such a nice farmhouse, complete with her husband, Lucy the dog and neighbours who gather in sheds and have a drink or two. I have safely concluded that alcohol consumption is bad for my sleep whereby I'm just tossing and turning the whole night while my liver is metabolising the alcohol.

i can't quite believe I'm going back the same direction tomorrow. faced with the prospect of piling work that has already been somewhat reduced but is still a pile anyway, all i feel like doing is staying in my room. Yet, I'm so terribly excited to meet Ness, Nac, Sam...

so as i munch on my overdue salad, i contemplate how i'm ever going to finish reading all those articles that I've downloaded, how i'm going to find those that I haven't found and etc.

and it really is soo amusing that every bible study, we manage to finish a verse or two, regardless of whether it's by Pastor Ki or Wang. I do really want to keep going for bible study! Yesterday was on Psalm 1. But we covered 1:1 only. if only it was a bit longer.

photobucket and weddings

2009-09-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

When photobucket sent me a reminder email to sign into my account, i was a little irritated, but am glad I did, cause i found the colour splash function! which is the result above :) Took the picture of the rose which bloomed quite nicely last Saturday morning. The rose has withered alr though.

I don't usually put pictures of my artwork online, but I'm quite happy with this one. My eyeballs are popping out! But most of the time was spent on deciding what to put where. Took me a really long time to decide if should write 1 Cor 13 on the inside of the card. Thought that it's kinda cliched, like everyone writes that on their wedding cards.

As i wrote it though, it reminded me about how hard it is to love! I can't imagine how i'd feel like getting attached, much less getting married.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

i am highly impatient, esp with those close to me. Kind?!?! haha. far from it- sometimes the meaness seeps out like oil from fries. It does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud. I can't even run slower to wait for a friend. Not self-seeking (note all the 'I's in the above) not easily angered (hohoho, the anger resides within) keeps no record of wrongs (hell hath no fury like a woman scorned). and the rest? I shall not continue.

She-is the same age as me. To move on to the next 'stage' in life. tomorrow. it is slightly disturbing to think about, yet as always, i'm not cynical this time cause it's marriage- weddings are blissful.

the power of wind

2009-09-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

Nice view? climbed perilously to get there. We gasp at the beauty of nature but forget the Creator. Cameras never do justice to what the naked eye can see. Pictures can't tell you the smells, the sound of the waves lapping against the rocks and the wind that was present on that day

I felt power as the wind just howled against me while standing at the harbour. Just standing there and feeling like you're going to be blown away soon makes you think of how ever can anyone be still. When the oceans rise and thunders roar, you'll be shivering and cowering against the power shown. Stillness comes from knowing the power of God is greater than all of these. It was a lesson in application of Friday night's bible study on the power of God.

I had but a glimpse of something created through His word and I stood amazed.

Met this very interesting girl on the trip that I feel strongly to pray for. Hopefully my weak-willed spirit does not give up.

a conversation with my daddy

2009-08-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

I thought that this is so cute. My dad teaching me how to do laundry. hoho.

E S Lo Lo says:
ya, ok.
how about laundry?
any dryer?
rahmen says: the laundry machine doesn't wash properly
E S Lo Lo says: any laundry shop nearby?
rahmen says: nope, i hand wash and dry in my room cause it's faster apparently than drying outside
E S Lo Lo says: how about in the uni?
rahmen says: nope, no laundry service
E S Lo Lo says: I thought laundry machines should be easily available
rahmen says: there is soap powder left behind on my clothes after washing using my hostel laundry machine so, i have a feeling that it's not quite clean but if i have a lot of clothes to wash, i'll use that
E S Lo Lo says:
I think you have to mix the soap powder with water 1st
all machines are the same....if not mix properly, sometimes soap power stick to clothing
rahmen says: ohhh
i didn't know that
alright.. will try next time
that'll save me quite a lof of washing
E S Lo Lo says: will save you time to machine wash
rahmen says: yup, anyway, quite hard to handwash. the water from the tap in the laundry room is really hot
E S Lo Lo says: you have bucket?
rahmen says: yar, bought one for 1.30
E S Lo Lo says: try machine again. if you worry not clean, can rinse one more time after washing complete
rahmen says: that's a good idea...hoho...didn't think about that
__________
I think i had quite a good msn conversation with my dad. Twas explaining about modules, and some frustrations about having little class time and it went on to explaining what OT is about, why I do what I do. Chatted about his work too, and what he's been trying to do. :):):)

a parcel

2009-08-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

such delight:)

i wonder if the joy of receiving mail (not bills) delights everybody, if it's a universal feeling. anyway, despite the strong winds, my umbrella from home that cost so much to mail here did not overturn. And i finally got my sister's letter- which had neat appendices!

it really is so cold today, with the wind and rain. The lazy me feels like hiding under my covers and reading my book. The slightly more hardworking me says let's do work in bed (rolls eyes) and the i should be hardworking me says that i should just stay where i am, switch off the comp and write out my report before typing it in.

A long walk home

2009-08-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

I walked home today. All the way from school carrying a 5kg load. Why? For a variety of reasons- the brighter reasons cause of the nice weather and the sunshine and cause i just wanted to do it. But on the dark side, I felt injustified, angry, irritated... and while i walked under the seemingly good weather, the load and the feelings inside bubbled instead of becoming calmer.

Perhaps it was the combination of assumptions and also the thought of I-so-deserve better. Instead of praying for an extra measure of love, I let my feeling bubble and toil, I thought of every imaginable scenario, i wanted to be vindicated, forgetting that God would vindicate me. I think i forgot friendship too, and phileo love. Friends give and take, friends stand by another when one is in trouble- A friend loves at all times (proverbs 17:17)

But the monster in me came out instead. My hostel friends know of the angelic me (dont' laugh, i'm surprisingly nice) My running buddy said- "God brought u to me!" so yes, instead of being a shining light, i complained, i looked grumpy, i became sullen.

The target of my supposed wrath came to pour her woes later- I should have been more understanding. As i listened, the worse i felt, for being monster. God, I'm sorry. :( Devotional today was like a few hard knocks on my head. I need to stop feeding the monster in me.

This is what happens on the days with no school

2009-08-15T05:53:00.000-07:00

Granite Island

Sunset at Mount Hofty? :) Auntie Bonnie probably got a way better shot than me with her new canon camera. :) of course, her photography skills are way better than mine.

Look forward to emails everyday from becca! haha. I think she knows more about what happens to me than my mum or even hf.

Had long trips with Aunties Lily and Bonnie this week. They've prob driven miles and miles on end. It's tiring to drive. The vestibular input I get puts me to sleep.

There's something I absolutely got to say: Lemons grow on lemon trees. I'm thorougly fascinated everytime i see a lemon tree. Haven't seen one in 22 years of my life. ahaha. I'm glad God made lemon trees. They're so fascinating

Yea, and I miss my girls cell! Really. Talked to them on friday. :) They are like the 'c' in the equation of y=mx+c. I miss worshipping with them, miss the sharing. I start tearing everytime i sing 'welcome to the family' cause I guess God really taught us how to love each other, how to be a true family.

But otherwise, yea.

Long and treacherous journeys

2009-08-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

i took a couple of long and treacherous journeys this week! Like for my site visits.. google maps help lots. Almost had to walk for 1.5hrs to reach somewhere... But i managed to find a bus route from a bus stop 20 minutes away from my place... so that saved quite a bit of walking. Except that i got off at the wrong stop- twas supposed to get off at Busstop 15. Logically after stop 14, it should be 15.. so i pressed the bell. And got off realising that it's 14b. o___O And walked for a fair bit, since there's bus stop 14c, d, e...

And i took the O-barn on another one, which brought me out quite far. The day before, I met this girl from my class because she was to bring me to ES (christian group). And happened that she was going to the same site visit, so she offered me a lift from tea tree plaza- which is totally so much easier to get to than going to my site visit straight.

Watched jun's volleyball match on thursday.. which was also quite far, but someone fetched us there and all the way back. And we got to eat pub food- which is actually quite worth it. it's a huge portion to share even, for $12.

So that concludes a week of long and treacherous journeys. But the real reason why i'm blogging is cause my school site is down! haha. What a good excuse for not being able to do work :( have to make up for it tonight.

Blessings aplenty

2009-07-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

Saw this one day after a long long day of doing paperwork and running errands, with a heavy bag and after one sleepless night. It was raining, and i was at the busstop waiting for the bus.. Purdee would be coming at 5.40 to fetch me to her place for dinner. Was hoping and praying really hard that i wouldn't be late. And I looked up. There it was. I'm guessing few, or none looked up- everyone had a phone, a book, a friend. or perhaps the rain caused them to bend over. But i happened to look up. I thanked Him silently, cause it meant a whole lot to me. And yes, when i reached my hostel, Purdee just arrived. Dinner was great. Felt really blessed, cause it so happened that it's all my favourite dishes. haha.

Edwin ( my bible study teacher) took me, Melissa(that's her!) and Kong on a long trip to Barossa Valley, where we saw the giant (really giant!) rocking horse, some animals (lazy kangeroos, a persistent goat, stalking peacocks, fluffy hens and a elusive small kangeroo).

Then we went to the whispering wall which is this dam where it's shaped in such a way that if you whisper at one end of the wall, the other person can hear you quite clearly at the other end. Edwin started singing. Which was o.O in a good way.

Alot of other things happened and i saw lots more. I'll tell you if you ask.

Blessings aplenty- which brings me to today.

I have cramps! It's still cramping. I think the weather plays a part too. I'm trying to keep my tummy warm, yet i'm sweating, but if i take off my scarf, the wind is a chiller. Anyway, after class (yes, it's on sunday) I wanted to go to Woolworths with JR, then i decided against it, when the cramps got more serious. So she walked me to the bus stop. And we waited for the bus with me squatting in pain against the wall. Then the bus came. And she hopped on the bus with me. When we reached, she sat at the bus stop with me, and she helped me call Purdee. To which Purdee came from church and fetched me home.

They both walked me to my room. It was funny, cause its so far from the door. ( didn't notice the distance till I felt like rolling back)
There's a long ending to the story after that. But yea. And HF, who cooked dinner for me. And woke me up just before dinner. Plus all the other hostel mates who asked if I was better. o.O

Next time, look up. There might be a spot of rainbow planted for you.

oh yes, note to saltshakers. I've posted the last few chapters of Romans. Quite sorry bout that.

for my sister!

2009-07-20T08:01:00.001-07:00

That's some internet load gone and 15 minutes of sleep. Note the badge on the top right corner. haha. Just joking. :) If you happen to see this, please pray for my sister! she's hiving. check wiki for a definition of hives: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hives

milky way

2009-07-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

I just returned from youth camp! It's a great way to get to know the church people. :) It was great that most of them came up to talk to me- you dont exactly feel that you fit in yet, and i don't think i ever will, but the hospitality is valued:)

I saw the most fantastic night sky. It was littered with stars- like the stars shaker just tipped and out came a splash of stars (otherwise known as the milky way) that was while having camp fire. I think I'll always love the Aussie sky. Cause you can see the many many stars that God flung into the sky:)

[ the picture above i took from the internet cause i didn't bring any camera device along with me to camp]

on the drive there, we got a bit lost. And the roads infront were literally dark. It helped when cars passed us by or were infront of us. No street lamps. Otherwise you just rely on your own car light, which is sufficient but it's always good if someone lights the way first. Funny it is that when we're in darkness do we appreciate the revealing nature of light.

And yup, think tmr i'll go do some grocery shopping again. hahah.

my grocery stories

2009-07-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

hello world! (or at least to my darling friends on that sunny island)

I just thought that i'd update you guys with what I've been doing. Other than my family, becca, kinny and maybe dexter it's mostly been no contact for the past eh 4 days. That's fast. seems like I've been here for ages.

1. Didn't sleep much on the plane. Met this scottish engineer who's going to ADL to find work and then he was telling me about how i should get out and party more. haha. He's younger than me! woots. how cool is that. Spent half the time saying "i'm sorry I didn't get that". Oh, i watched Red cliff 2! and slept through monsters vs aliens (woke up in time to see the credits)

2. Arrived at the airport and breezed through customs. Thank you God.

3. Met Hui Fen, another Singaporean coming to Adl to study:) and she stays right above me now.

4. Raymond and Corinne brought us out and showed us around. Saturday night we had dinner at Corinne's house with the rest of the youth group. It was like wow. Round 1 grocery shopping done

5. Sunday started round 2 of grocery shopping. had steamboat at nal, jx, yt and jr's place. It's really pretty. the view from upthere. and the apartment itself is really nice too! i wish they had a bunle of money and could stay on. haha. then i can go over!

6. Monday's orientation briefing lasted 2 hours? Made my student ID and i look bloated? haha. at least i look like an earthling right. And round 3 of grocery shopping which had me carrying a bag of 5kg rice and 2L cooking oil wandering around Victoria square looking for a busstop with my bus. There are like 6 busstops there. haha. I must have walked a km or more from chinatown.

7. Went to IKEA today. It feels like I never left Singapore. Bought some stuff and ran hoping to catch the bus before the bus ticket expires. And on top of that, spent 50 dollars buying round 4 of groceries. i exhausted my strength pushing the cart up the travelator (cause it stopped) with at least 5 kg worth of produce. And then on the way home we stopped one stop too early again and walked 20 minutes home freezing. Stopped along the way to go to the chinese mart. haha. Hua diao jiu is very impt ok!

So now i understand why my mum goes to NTUC everyday. okay. maybe not. I need tissue paper and deodarant. Maybe I'll go woolworths on thursday.

8. I met more acquaintances! I'd like to make more friends please and also find a "crusade-style" bible study group. I miss church most of all.

:)

2009-06-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

i was going to say guess who? but I think it's quite clear. haha.
escape, though it's a rip-off, but still we enjoyed ourselves.

Thoughts

2009-06-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

1. I feel very gentle when I'm emailing Dr Jisun. :):) Okay, she's not a doctor yet, but she will be soon!

2. I feel very overwhelmed each time I pray. Like seriously. Watch the video below and you'll see why.

Louis Giglio - How Great is Our God - Free videos are just a click away

3. I'm very thankful for camp. It's time to build and altar and get a ring to remind Sarah of her committment. Now, I need to get past my stinginess.

4. I enjoyed making pancakes with my girls! haha. and flipping pancakes with Bryan, though my pancakes are rounder than his :P

5. I love love love the fact that Tabby is my angel and that Gabrielle calls me her angel.

6. I realised that I haven't blogged for a long time. Long enough that I've met XL and had our starbucks and have gone to JP

7. I went to the Birdpark with Imelda, courtesy of WBDD. :)

8. I met Yvonne and she introduced me to the noodle stall in PS. I'm craving for some noodles now. ahahaha.

9. Happy to have met 大牛 for lunch before he enlisted

10. We got sunburnt while sitting in the shade in ECP. Mag was in pink. Nac hates pink. Neh turned a whole shade darker. Kin and I sat on the same bike. and oh, i still owe kin something. haha.

That's all :)

An email

2009-06-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Dr Jisun wrote to me!!! haha. I'm so happy:) It really is so sweet.

Imelda asked me today "So, what have you been doing?" oh no. I haven't been a good steward of my time really. :( Like now. every night i just wait to watch lu xiao feng. It's soo so hard to be disciplined.

The drilling has stopped. They were using two drills to demolish a wall. Today they were hacking. :( Teach me to love?

inconsiderate drilling

2009-06-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

am going mad soon. Really. If the guy downstairs doesn't stop drilling. He has been at it for the last two hours. At full noise level. Is it legal? Really, i'm going mad mad mad. I'm getting a headache. and poor mummy is sleeping cause of night duty. However, for the moments of silence, you appreciate it even more. Like how when we were back on Singapore roads, we suddenly realised that there's no more honking to be heard (commonplace in Nepal)

我回来了!

2009-05-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

i'm happy to be able to comb my hair with my comb. Lost it the morning i was due to go trekking. ehee.

So many things have happened, and now that i'm back in what seems reality, you start thinking about what's next. and so that is it.

Lots of stories to tell, but i'm waiting for everyone else's photos cause sarah was kinda paiseh to take too many.

in which i talk to myself

2009-05-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Be proud of me- i'm almost done packing. After shocked looks from heen and concerned reminders from becca, i decided, it's time to start packing again. oh my. and i'm done a day earlier, which is by far a good record, cause usually i do things last minute-so that everything can go in at the same time ma. Then after one hour of packing, i start to mumble to myself.

I've been up and out this week, alternating between Cityhall and orchard. Met the Charis team mates and we went Jap:) Spent the afternoon with Jia min gushing over wu guanzhong's art work at SAM. I absolutely loved it. It's like it makes you pause and think and inhale the simplicity and complexity of his paintings. Jia min's company was great too- helps that we are 'same same but different'. With her, i can always feel that i can be me:)

Blessings have been pouring in the whole week, and who can i thank but God. There's all these pre-mission jitters, which i'm also thankful for cause it reminds me that i cannot rely on myself and God is in control.

Wednesday was great sitting at the apple strudel cafe talking to one of my 'favouritest' people. You know, it's how you meet some people and then you can really see that kind of gentleness which adds another dimension to their beauty. It's always very nice talking to them or in this case her, and you see things from their perspective. Me, being a very mean person, needs those kinds of reminders all the time.

In any case, I'll leave the rest of the packing to tmr! haha. toothbrush usually goes in last. Happy that my deltoid is better. The Tetanus jab really hurts. it was difficult abducting my arm- and so i realise the importance of my middle deltoid.

anyway, here are more pictures of my lake walks. That's my school below

Polar Wetland- the only (i think) natural water body in my neighbourhood. Oh, there are 4 lakes around (not including this one) all man made.
I was very amused to still see telephone lines and electrical lines above ground.

Bounding hare. Was chewing on neighbour's grass.

goose that swam up to me. :)

the photos i owe in parts- west edmonton mall

2009-05-04T20:27:00.001-07:00

mr fire breathing dragon that spews fire [located in the cinema]

The ice skating ring. now you can see why the mall is sooo big. it's got this, a water park (like big splash), a mini golf course, movie theatre ehh.. and the galaxy land.

grandma and aunty patsi (part of the extended family i never knew)
i like this photo!

see the carousel on the left.. its good fun, cause its like a swing where the seats fly.

and that's the mind bender (the one in red). that caused my sprained neck. hahaha. once. once is enough to go. the one in yellow is some cosmo spinning thing i think. That's fun. it's like a roller coaster that spins along as it goes. Sat on it twice!

long bus rides

2009-04-26T22:23:00.001-07:00

I'm trying not to be lazy here.
Went to the Edmonton Valley Zoo last tuesday. When the weather was good. It wasn't warm, still cool, and it was sunny!
Getting to the zoo required immense preparation. I google earthed, used the transit guide and copied down a chunk of information. Grandma has fears of getting lost- which should be acknowledged, since i'll prob have no idea how to get home and taxis are rare.
But we made it there. Two hours later with one toilet break and one 30 minute wait for a bus. Shivered in the small bus stop enclosure for 30 minutes. Whoever built the bus stops had some brains. Cause even tho it's cold inside, it's colder out with the wind rushing at you. And then from the bus stop, which was in some neighbourhood area (like you'll ever guess that there's a zoo nearby) we walked for 45 minutes to the zoo. Met a nice lady who took us all the way there. She happened to be on a walk- she's 72 and walks 8-10km a day, including hills.

the zoo. i will never ever pay 7.75 to go to the edmonton valley zoo again. I will not make the effort to get to the zoo, even if there's a sports car waiting to zoom me there. The entrance didn't even make any impact, had to ask around where to pay the entrance fee. Could have gotten away without. the ticket? a stamp on the hand. haha. Animals were few, and most were looking rather sad. I'll upload photos another time. Saw a pair of howling wolves, sleeping siberian tigers, a lama, a camel, a colony of rat like creatures that can be found in my backyard, several monkeys, chimps enclosed in an area about the size of my room, two seals staring our of the window, a far away elephant and lemurs (which happened to be the most impressive of the lot).
I don't fully agree with animals being kept in the zoo- sure, zoos have saved some animals from extinction and educated a mass of people, but if i were an animal, i'd rather stay in Singapore zoo than the valley zoo. Oh yea, the cafeteria was closed and so was the souvenier shop :) so there you have one unhappy tourist and a typical complaining singaporean.

Went to West Ed Mall on friday to sit on my amusement park rides and sprained my neck while fulfilling my childhood dream of riding on the large red roller coaster. I had lots of fun hanging around with people my sister's age. haha. Really. Sarah, Clara and Lucy. I hope that i can find them on facebook, or that they can find me. Didn't manage to exhange any contacts cause i left halfway to eat lunch. lols. Sat on almost all the rides with exception of this 360 turning thing. Don't think my neck could have taken any more impact.

takes one half hours to get to west ed. long bus rides make me emo. Long plane rides aren't that great too. shall see...

praying for nice weather tmr- then i can walk around my district. :)

spring and the sun that comes with it

2009-04-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

Looking at the grad dinner pictures posted on facebook somehow brings more pangs of anxiety and of course the usual of i-miss-my-friends. when you go away, there's a whole portion of normal life that you miss out on. all the i-could-be-doing this. it's like life stopped there- and then you know that when you get back you need to catch up.

i uh saw my childhood friend. haha. he's big and tall now.
i went to church today, chinese service- i understood the message! it was pretty edifying. And i saw my mum's old friend.

i think culture plays a very big role in upbringing and all. When i look at all these americanized kids, i tend to compare them to the kids back home, who probably have more respect for their elders, and are less brand conscious.. but then again who am i to judge..

shallow shallow. aye

2009-04-15T09:16:00.001-07:00

I dont know why again it's too cold to type. I mean the sun is out and bright, but it's 2 degrees only. can i go for a walk today? i should hope so. :)

it snowed

2009-04-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

its snowing outside- in spring. oh my. it's cold. frozen fish fingers as i type. and i'm about to go out to embrace the snow. :(

my family has been nice and hospitable. they've brought me to all the malls available during the weekend. that's like uh 4. went to 3 malls yesterday. and then i went for 2 8-course meals. lobster is yummy! and the seafood here is sooo fresh. i need to exercise more! but it's too cold to run now. when the sun is out bright and telletuby-like its good to run, cause the air is still cold, but there's still warmth so that you don't feel like your fingers are going to drop off

i'm going to church this sunday!! so happy that there's transport. i google earthed it, and it's a 3 hour walk away or a 1 hour bus ride. prayyyyy

even though it's pretty quiet here, haven't been praying much cause there's always people around me. was wondering how do you stretch your faith when life is too cushy. I was reading through my diary entries when i was in kmg last march and even when opening the door i prayed.

anyway. i think i'll go put on more clothes.

my flight

2009-04-11T08:10:00.001-07:00

hello! this is sarah sitting in a permanent airconditioned weather. I keep telling them that. it's not that cold really. just that when the wind comes, cover your face and keep your neck warm.

oh yes, i should start from narita airport. the stuff there is pretty nice and very expensive. tell me about it. like i'm still lamenting over the loss of 1400 yen- silly me didn't think before purchasing my tempura udon. ahhhhh. but it's nice though. very very nice. i slurped the soup down to the last sip. but now i don't have much to eat on my way back. ahaha. spent both 500 yen. :P

then on the plane to vancover, beside me sat a japan tv star lookalike- except that he was a bit big sized. and so we spent the next 8 hours laughing and crying. while i'd love to get my hopes up once in a while, we spent it laughing and crying over movies. i watched marley and me- which got me a stuffed nose in the end, while he was watching yes man. which left him chuckling. haha. oops. watched bits of twilight though, and i think the movie is overrated. (to which twilight fans will probably berate me, but i dont like it, what can they do. sookie stackhouse is better- to which i'm seriously tempted to watch trueblood)

at vancover airport, my patience was tested when i had to wait an hour to clear immigration-which nearly caused me to miss my flight. i would have if the flight had not been delayed. was praying and praying. by the time i reached edmonton, i feel that half my youth has been sapped away and i smell like a rotten bag of tomatoes. Some guy who was queuing infront of me advised me to write a email to complain. considering that i've been having pretty efficient service for the longest time, some waiting won't kill.

i miss showers where i don't get out and start shivering. and i miss the sunshine warmth. went for a walk the other day with grandma- was freezing actually. walked around the lake where i tried to cycle around as a small kid. realized that it wasn't that big actually. to think i complained. and gramps had to drag my tricycle back.

so are the stairs in my house. thought there were pretty long. but they're not. hahah.

shall update more when i feel like it. it's too long already:)

to xl: here's your update! be happy!

blogging

2009-04-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

XL told me to blog. and so i blog.

trying to tie up loose ends at the moment... the converse shoes still not packed into the bag.

to my saltshakers: egg trays not entirely cut. oh.. i need someone to buy potpurri. like really really. thanks for picking up after my mess.

dont envy me. pray for me instead. :)

Easter Party

2009-04-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

Come join us! Like really really.

is..

2009-03-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

Love is your friends squatting beside you to wash and scrub your hair. (khad and shu zhen really made sure my hair was clean)

Love is sitting in the cafe drinking half priced coffee and eating atas sandwiches with Shu Zhen

Love is also having lunch prepared for you and the entire gang.

Fun is having an afternoon whiled away underneath the hot sentosa sun.

Nice is when people you just met for 30 minutes start teaching you how to play volleyball and basketball and praise you when you get it right. (even my brothers dont do that for me)

Evil is when you get forced to pick up balls in the squash court. (however, evil redeemed herself by introducing yummy tom yam fish noodles and let you lie on her floor for a nap and lets you watch sara bareilles)

nerve wrecking is when you spend the whole night praying for safety. ( and God is awesome- amazing how we escaped unscathed with a few misses here and there.)

Family is when they send you home in a cab cause you're feeling woozy (and partly cause they're lazy as well :P) Thanks Gavin, Tab and Ryan!

Family is also having Saturday night bible study! That's one thing i'll miss for sure.

Surealism is going through monday morning. Really. I never want to do it again.

And finally, nice is when your friend lets you in her house to bake bread pudding even though she thinks you're weird. Thankfully in real life you don't have to pay tax for passing through your friend's house.

And that sums up thursday to monday!

And i finished House of many ways:)

lock and key

2009-03-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

i finshed it. i finished it in the matter of a morning. all 432 pages? :( i couldnt get enough of it. I like her books. heh. Even though they all end the same way. almost. i would like to watch How to Deal, tho i dont think they have it here. I'm tempted to say that knight's in shining armour don't exist. They dont actually. (except like maybe my dad) or maybe they save only the damsel in distress. It wasn't too long ago that I was fuming as I walked up to my grandma's house, wondering why i had to change the bathroom light when my cousin was around. Thankfully, he changed the lightbulb, and grandma explained that she forgot that he could do it. I shan't complain, since now i know that i can carry my own sack of rice, change my own lightbulb and yada.

walked through the henderson waves with XL. I like the blue azure sky.
It was actually raining cats and dogs in the morning. But, by the time we started, the weather was nice and cool. Cold even.

i'm glad i went down to hui and kuah today. :) I found out the power of google maps. I shall use it to plan my time in Edmonton.

Frustrations

2009-03-23T02:14:00.000-07:00

Frustrated with this uni thing. I feel that i'm better off being a house kid. Where things become routine- the ironing, the washing and the cleaning up.

I found lock and key by Sarah Dessen in the Library! NLB rawks. Even though there are times where you can't get the books that you want. Like wurthering heights is always always borrowed out, but the latest stuff is always available in the library.

Went tree top walk last week as part of a sister outing. haha. Saw a owl nesting in some tree at the side of the bridge. That was cool. First time really, seeing a owl up close and personal. We got lost on our way back. And then, at some part we heard strange growling noises which weren't made by humans. That was scary. haha. And no, i do not attract weird creatures unlike what my classmates think.

Had my first meeting with the rest of the mission team (actually 2 other people) I feel so protected already being the youngest there. More team members please, God?

:( caused by mixed messages from different people from the agency. uni applications. i'll be glad when it's settled.

Mirrors

2009-03-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike .
I am not cruel, only truthful—
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles.
I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart.
But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake.
A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her.
She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

I like this poem that Cher shared. Now, as i think upon yesterday's devotion, it was about mirrors too. How long have I not checked myself in a spiritual mirror. I must be tardy and unkempt.

Let me emo and get back to you.

departures

2009-03-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

Had a happy time watching Departures yesterday. It's great movie to watch. :) shall watch it again if i can get my hands on the VCD. Thanks suzie for the company! haha. Luckily you forgot about the last doreamon. :P

Swimming today was fruitful too. Turned another shade darker. If this continues, i think i'll turn into chao ta bao by the end of March. And then me and jr went shopping at AMK hub. Tell me that i'm happening. Anyway, now when i walk past Osmose, i'll think of jr, just like when i walk past Crystal Jade bakery, i'll think of yam buns and think of Val

fruits basket :(

2009-03-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

I'm done with watching my fruits basket. This is soo awfully sad- it ended like that. :( i'm not addicted, i can stop anytime i want to. haha. But that's not true i guess. I had to had to finish it.

I have been trying to engage myself in art projects at home. trying is a good word, because getting started is one thing. finishing it is no problem though. And it's painful sitting on my butt that has a big bruise because sar-y was oh-so-clumsy to have slipped down the stairs. Surely it wasn't my fault- the stairs were slippery. Someone had to fall on them.

alright. time to get moving for all that housework there is to be done. that is if i can bear to flex and extend my hip.

Fruits basket

2009-03-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

i like the way your hair flows gently in the wind. I like the white stick figures that pop out when something dumb happens. hahah. That's it- i'm still addicted to fruits basket. I risk being laughed at for confessing to like such a girly thing, but who cares if it makes me laugh.

Ms XL, can i meet you again soon?

new blogskin

2009-03-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

it's time to change. and here it is. oh man, it's so cute. Too bad the monster skin didn't work out.
:(

3rd post

2009-02-28T09:29:00.000-08:00

Don't mind me, I'm actually having a fun time blogging, because I've not written in my journal/ diary for a long time too!

1.Just had a fun time with XL. haha. my starbucks partner in crime. Starbucks had a promotion today. Buy one frappe get one free. And then there's the stuff we bought from daisol. calorie guilty trips.

2. Tab's party was yesterday. It's nice to be able to play childhood games with my girls. haha. a bunch of 21 year olds with two 18 year olds and one 15 year old playing AEIOU and mr wolf is hilarious. Plus all the jumping shots which unfortunately failed.

3. Met up with Jia Min and Becca. Wasn't a proper meet up, but nevertheless, we still had time to catch up. We must meet up again soon! oh, and Daniel too. He was 5 minutes late.

4. Conference- i shall spare the details. But staying in school with my groupie practicing was memorable.

5. Watched Inkheart a few weeks ago with YH. Its a great to meet up with long lost friends. But the poor chap is back in sydney.

So, just for record sake, I need to remember. Need to repeatedly retrieve and encode it into my LTM.

Thanksgiving

2009-02-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

7 weeks and it's finally over. I have been rejoicing openly. But I owe thank yous.

I thought that the last 7 weeks were one of the hardest I went through. Could be that I'm not mature enough, not smart enough, not resilient enough. Compared to what many others in the world go through, i guess this wouldn't be much. In fact, probably many would give up just to be in my place, to have some form of occupation, to be studying and not worrying about finances
I had to keep reminding myself that suffering produces perserverance, and that perserverance must finish its work so that i will be mature and complete, not be lacking anything (James 1: 2-4)
But try as i might, it was hard to keep my own spirits upbeat, to keep myself from crying week after week. Literally, I don't ever think I've cried so much in my life. Don't even think I've cried as much in the past 2 years as I have in 6 weeks.
Thank you mummy and sis for being there for me, for drying my tears each time they came and for letting me cry. For all the lovely smses too my mother sent. It's funny, cause my mum just learnt to sms not to long ago. And my dad, who makes the effort to send me when he's back in Singapore. It's sooo awfully far
Thank you too, to all my friends who've encouraged me in their small ways. Mag and Jia xuan for telling me to jia you every morning
Mag, Kinny, Ness and Nac for sending me everything related to hands
Val, Cher, Khad, Dexter, Jess, Becca, King, Zhen and others if i've forgotten for sending me lovely smses. Val and Dexter esp for coming all the way down to have lunch with me. (anyway, the avacado smootie wasn't all that nice :( )
My cell girls and the church prayer group for praying, for being consistent in meeting up. I looked forward to cell and bible study every single week! It meant that i got through the week. hahaha
Cheryl for meeting me, and knowing that you were working hard too or every harder helped.

Strangely enough, I'm thankful to my supervisors. They are nice people. The reason why I had such a hard time would be simply cause I can't measure up. Not their fault at all.

Finally, thankful to God. It was amazing that on one night, I was feeling really down and yet i had to stay up to do my lit review, prepare slides and script for FYP/conference but I wasn't tired at all. I found this source of renewed strength. I managed to stay up all the way till 4.30. And the many times after crying, somehow there was that strength to keep going on, and not to throw in the towel despite thoughts of giving up running through my head. Really- I know that it's not my own strength that has brought me through.

The extra week, though has brought a sense of closure. The room tidying has resulted in the massive tearing of 7 weeks worth of documentation. My room needs further tidying. I need to punch holes and file them proper. ahahah. I hope the neat freak in me comes out again. It has stayed dormant for more than a decade. And please, goad me to exercise like mad, to rest like mad and to not damage my sleep deprived calorie laden body further.

another set of random questions

2009-02-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

1. Were you named after anyone? I should think so
2. When was the last time you cried? last saturday and the 5 saturdays before that
3. Do you like your handwriting? Yup. When I have time to write slowwwly
4. What is your favourite lunch meat? it's such a weird question. I can't answer it without feeling like i'm a carnivore.
5. Do you have kids? Thank goodness no. Even the hamster doesn't count
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? Yeah, i'm that egoistis
7. Do you use sacarsm? oops, but yes. it's bad i know
8. Do you still have your tonsils? ah yes.
9. Would you bungee jump? pay for the cost and i'll do it!
10. What is your favourite cereal? "honey stars!" agree with my sister man
11. Do you untie your shoelaces when you take them off? no. laziness
13. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? Run and raisin
14. What is the first thing you notice about people? no idea.
15. Red or pink? red. I know mag will say pink. But i think the rest of the fyp group will take their stand on red.
16. What is your least favourite thing about yourself? my laziness
17. Who do you miss the most? my paternal grandfather
18. Do you want everyone to complete this list? I don't really care. hahaha
19. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing? uh. wearing my big tee pyjamas
21. What are you listening to? Enya-Only time
22. If you were a crayon what colour would you be? green!
23. Favourite smells? pages of a good book
24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? erin lo
26. Favourite sports to watch? figure skating
27. Hair colour? black. and maybe red
28. Eye colour? Black ( i think green would be cool, but kinda weird?)
29. Do you wear contacts? Yes, on occassions
30. Favourite food? depends on mood and occasion
31. Scary movies or happy endings?happy endings
32. Last movie you watched? INKHEART. please do catch it somehow!!
33. What colour shirt do you like to wear? my green monster shirt or any black shirt :)
34. Summer or winter?both!
35. Hugs or kisses? Just no kisses
37. Most likely to respond to? eh.
38. Least likely to respond to? eh.
39. What book are you reading now? Prayer by Philip Yancey
40. What is on your mouse pad? Dont really have one. I use the touch pad on the laptop. Probably fingerprints
41. What did you watch on TV last night? some taiwan drama
42. Favourite sound(s)? crickets chirping. waves, wind
43. Rolling stones or Beatles? Beatles
44. What is the farthest you've been from home? Edmonton
45. Do you have a special talent? Does reading fast count?
46 Where were you born? Toa Payoh Hospital
47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting? don't really care
48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other? don't have one

I can't believe i've answered 48 questions. Let's see.
tagging the people below just for the kick of it.

1. cheryl mums
2. ness
3. sam
4. kin
5. jaz
6. yh
7. kev
8. sha
9. bryan
10. tab

sleep

2009-02-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

i think i'm going back to sleep. wake me up when i'm 30. I think that will make up for all the lack of sleep. It'll heal my body and heart from the lack of sleep, the improper meals and all the hard work.

Every year they stand at the track area outside the LT to take a photo of them looking so formal and pretty.
I'm glad i wasn't there to spoil it all. funny that on the last day of official school i had to hide in the toilet.

25 random things

2009-02-13T08:53:00.001-08:00

25 random things about sarah. I wonder why everyone is doing it, but ah, it should be fun.

1. I am random. (that's why i'm doing it)
2. I like to ask random questions
3. If anything, I prefer train rides to long bus rides. Riding on the bus alone makes me emo.
4. I kill spiders. ahahha. they are dangerous creatures. They take revenge
5. I like to go on adventure trips
6. Purposive shopping for clothes makes me tired and grumpy. I prefer buying clothes when i happen to see something nice, instead of constantly looking for something nice
7. I have about 7-8 pairs of shoes, and they serve me well. Almost.
8. My stuffed rabbit, Peter, is at least 17 years old. It's that old.
9. My secondary school ambition was to be a dishwasher. I like washing dishes. It's therapeutic. And i wanted to make a million bucks out of dishwashing. Have no idea how though
10. My junior and me meet twice a year. I'm glad God made us friends
11. I have a love hate relationship with my youth group. love them lots, and hate to lose any of them.
12. Me and XL have gone to starbucks for 100% of our dates. that's a record worth keeping.
13. Jia min and me did quiet time together for 14 days:) i think. We were always almost the earliest to wake up during our mission trip.
14. I miss KM, all the people i met and the sights i saw
15. I would like to be a housekid currently. Don't want to be a housewife, cause won't ever make a good wife. But i'd like to be able to stay at home to do housework soon.
16. I drool in my sleep, when i'm so very very tired
17. Me and my sister have sister talks often
18. I like rum and raisin ice cream and rum and raisin chocolate. In fact, i love chocolate. It makes me happy
19. Running makes me happy too, and i haven't run in 5 weeks. Which explains why...
20. I look forward to girls cell and bible study every week currently. I figure that if i can make it there, i would have passed the week more or less.
21. Liru is my guitar teacher. haha. I bet she has a hard time teaching a run-away student like me.
22. Everyone tells me to smile more often. can't, cause my first baby photo shows that i already learnt to frown then.
23. secondary school were the fun-est times.
24. I wake up every morning with a song in my head.
25. I love God. it's that simple. I figured that no one else would love me that much, so i should reciprocate.

haha. so random.

that was interesting

2009-02-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag ten people.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Sarah

2. A four Letter Word : Salt

3. A boy's Name : Samuel

4. A girl's Name : Sally

5. An occupation : Sailor

6. A color : Sea green

7. Something you wear : socks

9. A food : salmon

10. Something found in the bathroom : Soap

11. A place : Singapore

12. A reason for being late : Slept late

13. Something you shout : Sis

14. A movie title : Saw

15. Something you drink : soda

16. A musical group : Sonicflood

17. An animal : Swordfish

18. A street name : Serangoon Road

19. A type of car : Sunny

20. The title of a song : So you would come

Before I forget

2009-01-24T07:33:00.000-08:00

I should blog, before i officially sleep and nurse my cold/flu/bug. The return of the white clothed suit hasn't been a smooth ride. I have insight, and the higher up theres are generally nice people when they talk to you. Just that the staff room happens to be an open area, and whatever convos that go on in there I can hear it too.

Went for Daniel's birthday party tonight. Such a dear friend. :) I'm glad i dragged myself all the way to Clementi. Had a pretty fun time with becca too! hahaha. talking, lamenting and cheering each other on. I like!! As usual, the maiden saves the day for Sarah with none other than a packet of tissues. Plus the yummy toast and chicken claw at the cafe:D
As for Daniel's party, i really appreciated the time of worship. Funny, how it is, the first party that I've been to where someone chooses to give thanks to God first. As I was singing Hosanna and From the Inside Out, it just reminded me of God's faithfulness and my purpose and drive in life. To know that God rescues, and that He's the only one that can bring me from nothing to eternity. I could cry, but I have no tears left today. becca and xl, we can do it! Met Daniel's mum again too! She sent me off at the airport last year:D and she remembers!

Becca can testify how miraculous it was, we both were just lamenting and thinking about how we could get back home, probably not even home, just to get to the busstop from his house- that awful dark jungle that we would have to walk through, but hey, we got a lift all the way back to TPY. Plus plus plus, they actually wanted to drop us off at Bishan, and they missed the turn out. it was like wow.

And then i spent thursday night in the lovely comforts of of starbucks partner in crime. Even though our agenda was to get me CNY clothes, but but but, haha, we happen to be non-clothes-shopping people. and ended up in starbucks sipping coffee again. FYI, i have CNY clothes thanks to my mum who pushed me into Bossini.

Conclusion of it all? I'm thankful. How can I not ever be? My lack of faith never ever diminishes God's faithfulness. It fact, his faithfulness all the more apparent and bright.

the feeling that won't go away

2009-01-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

my header for my wordpress. makes me happy. happy. happy.

I wonder why i dont ever put my 100% into something. Like Chermain who makes everything look perfect, or that uncle at the eatery who invites you warmly to come in and have a meal. Even now, while spending almost a half a day on FYP, it's still ploughing along, not speeding, and no, the results are not perfect. how i dislike my own attitude. That feeling that won't go away. Just sitting here not knowing quite how to tackle the enormity of the task of writing and writing.

i want to give it my best shot, to be faithful in everything i do, to learn to love other people. i want to worship God in spirit and in truth, to give my all to the one whose name is even too holy to be mentioned.

On new year resolutions

2008-12-31T22:46:00.001-08:00

I don't like keeping new year resolutions. But i like to make them. ahaha.

1. Learn how to type properly. Am struggling now. really. and it's still all wrong. I type with all my fingers except my thumb and all my fingers are in the wrong place. It's more a matter of convenience.

2. Wake up before 8am everyday of the year. ahaha. which includes holidays and the days which i sleep beyond 3. That's frequent. And then i increase my chances of getting a heart attack

3. Exercise very regularly. Running at least once a week sounds good for a start. Twice might be nice. And 3 times- the hard to achive ideal for a self-confessed pog.

That's all. Mind your body recommends not more than 3 resolutions.

My general resolution: To learn to love. yippeeee! Loving includes being nice when i wake people up, being patient even when i feel that someone is stepping on my monster tail.

2008 was on faithfulness. Learning that God is faithful and learning how to be faithful.

time to zzz? i feel sleepy, very very sleepy.

on starbucks and cookies

2008-12-31T22:34:00.000-08:00

Had our once in a while starbucks and calories session on tuesday. Friends- they might not be forever, but all the time spent talking and stuffing ourselves silly are worth it. However, I do still think that some friends will last a lifetime and even longer than that:)

We traded stories about the things people do behind closed doors and how horrible life can be. haha. It's not that bad really when we finally pass that stage. 4 hours spent in the library from the initial target of 1.5 wasn't pleasnt at all. waiting for lifts that miss floors dont sound good too.

Bedtime stories was quite funny, worth 6 bucks. A pity ms fong fell asleep again. haha. and then toffee nut coffee might be yummy, but it's calorie laden, slurping up all that sinfulness might contribute to a heart attack one day.

I like it when friends make time for me. Or rather when we make time for each other. She's one of the busiest persons, and probably has more reason than most to complain of tiredness- but she makes time for me. :) what better way to show love and friendship

Courage to love

2008-12-31T22:22:00.001-08:00

Taken from Elizabeth Elliot's 'A Lamp unto my feet'

God's love holds us to the highest. This was the kind of love Amy Carmicheal of india prayed for and taught to the children in Dohnavur- this love, the kind wherewith God loved us. " Hold one another to the highest," she told them. God's purpose was to life us out of ourselves, out the the miry clay, and set our feet on a rock. We are not saviours, but we can help others towards faith. This means no only loving them while they're still in the mire but also loving them out of it. We must love them as they are and ove them enough to draw them higher. Jesus said, " For their sakes, I sanctify myself" (John 17: 19) His holy obedience to the Father saved us. Our holy obedience to the Father makes a differece to those we love.

My take on it: i thought this was a lovely devotion to do on New years day. Well, it would be a lovely devotion to do on any day. To remind ourselves that people measure us as Christians by how much we demonstrate God's love.

I read a story on how this single mother came to know Christ, despite the verment objections of her friend. When she was down and out, the church people came and helped her look after her baby so that she could go find a job. She said in reply to her friends who objected " they carried my baby"

Holy- to be set apart. It goes beyond the extent of being good. Being good is a moral obligation, an obligation set by the world. Being holy is a obligation set by God, a calling to be 'set apart'. To what has he called us to be obedient to then? To love God with all our heart, soul strength and mind and to love others as yourself

Christmas

2008-12-24T20:37:00.000-08:00

Just watched a "christmas" programme on christmas lights. Christmas trees glistening with so many lights that you can't even see the tree. Restaurant ceilings covered with soooo many lights and baubles that you can't see the ceiling.

In all honesty, i don't quite like christmas. There's always that constant stress and maybe this year added burdens. I tried to have a pseudo sabbath year where I didn't buy gifts, but the card making was equally tiring. And then on the eve of the eve after spending the day with my fypies, did some last minute shopping. ahahha. Drove starfish mad (i hope) with my persistent banter of ridiculous ideas (which aren't that ridiculous really)

But i like the gathering, I like the fact that angels appeared to simple shepherds and i love the fact that Jesus birth fulfilled covenantal love- hesad.

Have a blessed Christmas:)

on waiting

2008-12-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."
Instead of focusing on what we’re waiting to receive, let’s turn our gaze to God and ask Him to make us “a more useful tool in His redemptive hands.”

taken from http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/heart_questions/

i'm an impatient little brat. Right now, even though i wish for an instant remedy to this weeks problems, it's not going to happen remotely. instead, let me remind myself

"Like an astute coach or a gifted teacher, God prepares his saints for the tasks to which he has appointed them before he uses them. Moses, for example, spent forty years in the desert, herding sheep, before God called him to lead his people out of Egypt. What better preparation in patience could there have been for his assignment of leading an equally stubborn flock of people through wilderness for forty years? Similarly, David learned courage from his own experience as a shepherd. Later the one who had learned how to take on wild animals in the defense of his flock would be called upon to take on the biggest wild animal of all, mighty Goliath, in the defense of God's flock. God knows how to prepare his people for the tasks to which they are assigned"
(from Living in the Gap Between Promise and Reality by Iain M. Duiguid).

patience, rah... you still have a long way to go.

beauty

2008-12-18T07:43:00.000-08:00

Finally back to reality of facing my workpile. I finished reading Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte in the few days too. Suh a delightful read:)
what first attracted me to this book was this short para that Yi Wen left on her blog.

Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë
Chapter XVII Confessions
“It is foolish to wish for beauty, Sensible people never either desire it for themselves or care about it in others. If the mind be but well cultivated, and the heart well disposed, no one ever cares for the exterior.
So said the teachers of our childhood; and so say we to the children of the present day. All very judicious and proper no doubt; but are such assertions supported by actual experience?
We are naturally disposed to love what gives us pleasure, and what more pleasing than a beautiful face...when we know no harm of the possessor at least? A little girl loves her bird....Why?...Because it lives and feels, because it is helpless and harmless. A toad, likewise, lives and feels, and is equally helpless and harmless; but though she would not hurt a toad, she cannot love it like the bird, with its graceful form, soft feathers, and bright, speaking eyes. If a woman is fair and amiable, she is praised for both qualities, but especially the former, by the bulk of mankind: if, on the other hand, she is disagreeable in person and character, her plainness is commonly inveighed against as her greatest crime, because to common observers, it gives the greatest offence; while, if she is plain and good, provided she is a person of retired manners and secluded life, no one ever knows of her goodness, except her immediate connections; others, on the contrary, are disposed to form unfavourable opinions of her mind and disposition, if it be but to excuse themselves for their instinctive dislike of one so unfavoured by nature; and vice versa with her whose angel form conceals a vicious heart, or sheds a false, deceitful charm over defects and foibles that would not be tolerated in another.
They that have beauty, let them be thankful for it, and make a good use of it, like any other talent: they that have it not, let them console themselves, and do the best they can without it – certainly, though liable to be over-estimated, it is a gift of God, and not to be despised. Many will feel this, who have felt that they could love, and whose hearts tell them they are worthy to be loved again, while yet they are debarred, by the lack of this, or some such seeming trifle from giving and receiving that happiness they seem almost made to feel and to impart. As well as the humble glow-worm despise that power of giving light, without which the roving fly might pass her and repass her a thousand times, and never light beside her; she might hear her winged darling buzzing over and around her; he vainly seeking her, she longing to be found, but with no power to make her presence known, no voice to call him, no wings to follow his flight;...the fly must seek another mate, the worm must live and die alone.”

jacob's ladder

2008-12-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

Jacobs Ladder to a Crescent - The Baden Württemberg Wind Orchestra

I spent nearly 1 year singing this song to myself. Experiences can't be measured with gold and silver. The silver we got for SYF even though it brought lots of heartache, i remember the challenge and the flow that Csikszentmihalyi wrote about in the process of learning how to play the song, the time spent with my section, the love-hate relationship with my seniors. When compared to say my time in CO, it wasn't as fulfilling. I dare say that i never really liked jiang jun ling (the general's command) tho it came with bounty of gold. Of course, it could be entirely due to the fact that i probably can't appreciate the song, maybe the grandness of it nor can i imagine myself in the midst of war.

Going for camp tmr. the ill-ease feeling of having to catch up with work after that. Still excited bout it anyway. not the trip, but the time that i can spend slobbing around (with my journals.)

anyway, if anyone could tell me how i can get the song into my mp3 player and hp, that'll be great! hahaha. and thus i end my 4 year search of a CD that might contain this song.

fullness

2008-12-10T08:01:00.000-08:00

my darling fyp group, even though we scold each other everytime we're together, they really are all such funny people to be with. ahahha.

its almost the last day of school and so surreal.

i saw my cousie yesterday for the first time in months. couldnt quite see an ounce of that fat that she said she put on. looked radiant more like it.

Twas thinking about death yesterday night. not that i have suicidal thoughts, it was just how someone put a name to death for me yesterday. Could it be that media increases your immunity to death, when most appear as figures, so distant because they will never cross your path. Maybe a chosen few get their life story shown. But the others have life stories too, their proud moments, their sadness, joys.. their last moments. Death has a name, but so does life.

food poisoned

2008-12-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

i wanna live in a castle! lols. after watching trading castles on discovery.
i've been poisoned. could be chocolate cake or unclean hands. but poisoned. i figure it'll go away soon enough. And looks like my wish came true to save money and go on a diet this week. heh.

i feel that my frontal lobe is kinda messed.
heens bean ironed a shirt for me. touched me to bits and pieces.
4 school days left. :(

coffee delight

2008-11-26T04:30:00.000-08:00

when i need a carbo therapy, i shall consider the above with good company.
Need i say that i spent the night talking our hearts out, scouring the shelves of market place, and having our nose taps switched on thanks to tom yam soup, sambal kang kong and pineapple fried rice. unfortunately i was a bit more drained than poor her.

a bit drained from the workings of today. ah well. i must stop talking.

blisters

2008-11-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

says pretty much. I propose that i'm suffering from some identity crisis. I've been watching Mulan (yes, don't laugh) while i read my articles. Makes me laugh, and makes me want to feel determined to try harder.

so glad i saw damiri today in the library. Saved me from paper chase. :)
everything is happening too fast that there's no room for breathing. ahaha. Run first, and I'll make things up as I go along?

i need friend-o-therapy. I need to spend more time in solitude.

light

2008-11-15T10:54:00.000-08:00

I figure i tell myself every week to sleep earlier on Saturday nights, but i'm up at 3am again. While everyone is seriously fermenting on their journals, (not that i ain't) but there are so many other things pre-occupying my mind.

I like Chris Tomlin's latest CD. I remember that as a child i used to love the song Amazing grace. Why? hmm, i can't really tell you why, could be the words, could be the tune. Along the way of growing up, hymns gave way to Hillsongs and the like. Now, it's not the tune anymore, its the words, hymns or planetshakers alike.

Hillsong Conference 2007 Opening
Uploaded by ajchz

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see'
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine