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I walked home today. All the way from school carrying a 5kg load. Why? For a variety of reasons- the brighter reasons cause of the nice weather and the sunshine and cause i just wanted to do it. But on the dark side, I felt injustified, angry, irritated... and while i walked under the seemingly good weather, the load and the feelings inside bubbled instead of becoming calmer.

Perhaps it was the combination of assumptions and also the thought of I-so-deserve better. Instead of praying for an extra measure of love, I let my feeling bubble and toil, I thought of every imaginable scenario, i wanted to be vindicated, forgetting that God would vindicate me. I think i forgot friendship too, and phileo love. Friends give and take, friends stand by another when one is in trouble- A friend loves at all times (proverbs 17:17)

But the monster in me came out instead. My hostel friends know of the angelic me (dont' laugh, i'm surprisingly nice) My running buddy said- "God brought u to me!" so yes, instead of being a shining light, i complained, i looked grumpy, i became sullen.

The target of my supposed wrath came to pour her woes later- I should have been more understanding. As i listened, the worse i felt, for being monster. God, I'm sorry. :( Devotional today was like a few hard knocks on my head. I need to stop feeding the monster in me.

I walked home today. All the way from school carrying a 5kg load. Why? For a variety of reasons- the brighter reasons cause of the nice weather and the sunshine and cause i just wanted to do it. But on the dark side, I felt injustified, angry, irritated... and while i walked under the seemingly good weather, the load and the feelings inside bubbled instead of becoming calmer.

Perhaps it was the combination of assumptions and also the thought of I-so-deserve better. Instead of praying for an extra measure of love, I let my feeling bubble and toil, I thought of every imaginable scenario, i wanted to be vindicated, forgetting that God would vindicate me. I think i forgot friendship too, and phileo love. Friends give and take, friends stand by another when one is in trouble- A friend loves at all times (proverbs 17:17)

But the monster in me came out instead. My hostel friends know of the angelic me (dont' laugh, i'm surprisingly nice) My running buddy said- "God brought u to me!" so yes, instead of being a shining light, i complained, i looked grumpy, i became sullen.

The target of my supposed wrath came to pour her woes later- I should have been more understanding. As i listened, the worse i felt, for being monster. God, I'm sorry. :( Devotional today was like a few hard knocks on my head. I need to stop feeding the monster in me.